SECP sincerely apologizes to Coach Saban.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
We thought long and hard about putting something quippy or clever to lead into this gem but there really is nothing to say that can add to the quality of this masterpiece. Nothing.
These Three Poon-kateers and their all-encompassing interview embodies the true spirit of the poon-tisential pooner. You can't beat it. You won't find any Yankee Boston College pooners wearing cocktail dresses and breaking down Jeff Jagodzinski's offensive scheme while discussing how they are going to get their bourbon into the game. You just won't.
There's no more to say here. Enjoy the incredible poon-nomenon that is SEC POON.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Where are the Kentucky girls? Do you think Ashley Judd is the only Poon-worthy Wildcat?
The Thong Sisters
SECP repsonse: Our deepest apologizes for the exclusion of Bluegrass Poon. Thanks for the submission & you stay classy.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Friday, September 7, 2007
We at SECP believe the citizens of Georgia are suffering from a great injustice. The city of Athens has much to offer - eclectic arts, trendy music, succulent cuisine - all of which is amply promoted. Meanwhile the city’s greatest assets have not received their proper recognition, which is why SECP proposes the city of Athens be re-named to a more fitting title. Please consider our submissions: Chestyville, Cleavagetown, Knockers Corners, Isle of St. Nipples, Great Rack City, Tittie Springs, or New Hootersboro. Your prompt attention to this matter is appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Kudos to Packman at Southern Fried Football for his photographic homage to Busty Dawg Poons.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Is it over? Do we need to go ahead and just shut 'er down? Have we found the Perfect Pooner? Let's examine: we have big the designer sunglass - check, the long bleach blonde hair - check, earrings each weighing more than a slab crappie - check, the plunging neckline - check, tic-tac smuggling through the team colored dress - check, 8" orange guava bolster - check, team pom-pon - check, and finally the look of "ho-hum" on the pooner's face as Brandon Cox hangs another 100 on the Tide - check plus.
This is a democracy so we will put it in the hands of our already faithful SECP followers...weigh in on the comments section if you think we need our heads examined - it's entirely possible whether it's related to this posting or not.
Have YOU have found the perfect pooner? Send it to us: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
In case you were wondering, the answer is Yes – these two identical UGa Pooners are in fact attached at the head. That being said, we dare you to find a hotter set of Siamese Poons anywhere in the country. Thanks to Poon Hunter extraordinaire Packman & the fine folks at Southern Fried Football for the Pooner Pic! Packman & co. set out on their 2007 tour this week. If he's anywhere near your campus just follow the Poon Trail to find him - Packman is a Poon Magnet!
Also, now would be an poontastic time to check out CBS Sportsline Columnist Clay Travis' new book, Dixieland Delight. SECP hasn't read it yet but Clay says it has a strong focus on the quality of poon we have come to know and love as part of SEC football. Poony props for him mentioning SECP on his world book pimping tour interviews!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
# 1) Sept 29 - Bama vs FSU in Jacksonville. Folks this is a once-in-a-lifetime treat for Poon Hunters. The last time SECP saw this much Trailer Poon in one place was when we accidentally stumbled onto the Motley Crue tour bus in parking lot at the Muscle Shoals Supercenter back in '92. Also, this is a great chance to catch a peek at the infamous FSU Girls who are sure to be perched, very Poony-like, in the front row right next to CBS's cameras. All in all, it's a great chance to do some Poon Prospecting and well worth the round of STD shots endured for weeks afterwards.
# 2) Sept 15 - Louisville at Kentucky otherwise known as The Bluegrass Poontacular - it will be everywhere, and it's F'ing crazy! The equine theme will be out in full force as Lexington boasts plenty of Pony Pooner hooker boots, multi-colored racing silks featuring Wildcat and Cardinal colors finished off with some designer Gucci and Prada blinders. Please remember to do us all a favor...if you see a dude drinking a mint julep, kick him in the nuts and send his pansy ass back to South Bend.
Very Important Note: If you haven't seen the uncensored pics of this little Louisville Pooner pictured above, you're in for a real treat! All you have to do is send a great pic of an SEC Pooner email@example.com. We will gladly respond with this highly coveted non-conference Pooner's delight fully uncensored! Trust us - you will not be disappointed but you have to send a good pic to get the goods...
# 3) Sept 1 - OK State at UGa. What sort of Poon talent will the Cowboys bring to the SEC? Absolutely none which is a crying shame because I was really looking forward to using the term "Okie Pokie Pooner (OPP)". This game is nothing more than a lame excuse to be in Athens, the most busty campus in America, over a sweltering Labor Day weekend. There's sure to be more cleavage on display than the years worth of Victoria's Secret catalogs stacked in SECP's corporate bathroom.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Also this one time I was cheerin' so hard for JPW when he hit Prothro in the seam for 6, that same tube top I'm wearin' in the pic fell down to my waist and my cannons flopped out. I wuddun't worried though - cuz I think Simeon Castille seen my nipples...that was kinda neat."
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
home sweet home to meeeeeee!!!! Poon-tastic is how to describe just one of these Pooners. The pearls, the tube top, the sweaty armpit purse, and enough makeup to withstand a 3 minute belt sanding - this Pooner has it going on! The other two are well - just there. When in the Sam Hell has it been acceptable for a pair of Pooners to wear Croakie's at any event other than the Fentress County Frog Giggin' Tournament weigh in - and that's only so your shades don't drop into the frog shit bucket while gettin' another Natty Light. I'm not sure why I'm going on a tirade though - take the Croakies off the Pooners and you still got...well...Pooney.
Critical Poon Hunter Lesson: This brings up a very good point for all of you fratty's and GDI's take note of...Although the dress tells you to immediately quit looking at her face and stare directly at the upper 5/8th's of her titties which are so nicely exposed, she'll probably get pissed and think you're a dirty pervert for doing so. Make sure to wear some large, dark shades at all times (even if it has been dark for hours) which will enable you to sip your Cap'n Morgan/7UP and nod "uh-huh" while she explains to you that she has to meet her parents at 8:00 a.m. the next morning for breakfast at Denny's so you have to be out of her room by 6:30 a.m. at the latest. All the while you stare at the supple jibbly's unbeknownst to the Pooner.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Nothing says Pooner Pride more than wrapping a bottle titty around an ice cold MGD on a warm Fall day in Florida. Pair them up with tank tops and tube tops in classic Gator orange and blue and you've got yourself a cocktail party. This is a perfect display of a very common poon-nomenon referred to by experts as: "Hey! Let's all wear the same f'ing thing today but make it look different by wearing different colors!!!!".
Contestants in the Macon Belles Jr. Miss Pageant or freshmen ladies heading to the Dawg Pound - you decide. No doubt these pooners are dressed to impress at 8:30 a.m. on gameday in Athens. Fast forward 10 hours and you're sure to see at least 2 of these bulldog pooners passed out in a pile of something at the La Quinta on Finley Street.
No, the real reason why SECP loathes Tim Tebow is this . . . Chesty McBoobs would gladly share her lovely lady lumps with little Timmy, who in turn would say some thing like, “Gee wiz M’am. You have a very bountiful bosom. I’m sure you’ll make a great Mother.” What a Fucking waste.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
- Cleavage . . . this is self-explanatory and comes in very handy when trying to sneak in a pint of Beam. No officer would dare dip into Millie Mae's cleavage on suspicion of booze sneaking. May also be substituted by a tight ass.
- She must be wearing her school colors (Vandy excluded) & openly cheer for her team.
- She looks as good in the 4th Qtr as she did in the parking lot 3 hrs before the game.
- If she walks by & you don’t notice her, she’s not Poon-worthy.
- Proper attire includes; dress, tank top, tube top, low-cut shirt, and/or $250 jeans.
- Drink in hand. Extra points for a throwback stadium cup that has more than half of the logo worn off from previous poon-sca-pades.
- Designer sunglasses are a must. The bigger the better.
- Shoes are critical. If you look at the shoes and say, "How in the hell can she stand in those for 5 minutes let alone walk around this campus for 12 hours today?", you've got a winner!
- It takes time, but you need study the speech patterns of the pooner. Expletives combined with players/coaches/booster's names are telltale signs of strong pooner candidate (i.e. "Brodie, get up you pussy - you ain't hurt!" or "I don't give a fuck if Toefield cain't spell - he sure can tote the mail!").
- The game day purse. Barely big enough for lipstick, game tickets and daddy's credit card.
And it always has a 3 inch strap so its tucked up into that sweaty prickly pit. Its the less sluty cousin of the "going out purse". You can actually take this one out in daylight hours.