Friday, September 14, 2007

Deepest Regrets

SECP sincerely apologizes to Coach Saban.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Bluegrass Poontacular

In honor of next week's Non Conference Poon Hunters Delight, Louisville at Kentucy, SECP is pround to present a tribute to Bluegrass Poon. Enjoy.

Two Poons, One Love

One of our Poon Hunters spotted these two perky future doctor’s wives while tailgating outside Commodore Stadium in Nashville (note the total absence of Vandy's school colors). We’re not quite sure why they chose this Thelma & Louise hand-holding pose? Although it does remind us the love between two Poons is a beautiful & natural thing.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Classic Poon Attack

Watching Poons work together in their natural element is a wondrous dance to behold. Notice how the Poon in the background runs interference on stadium security while Ms. Bayou Bengal Poon slides right by, cocktail in hand, but also carrying a fifth of Jim Beam in her purse, half-gallon ziplock bags of Evan Williams duct taped to each thigh & a mini bottle of Wild Turkey tucked between her Ta-Ta’s. The smile on her face says it all . . . this is one crafty Poon.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

One Thing's For Certain...

Pooners love Coach "O"

We thought long and hard about putting something quippy or clever to lead into this gem but there really is nothing to say that can add to the quality of this masterpiece. Nothing.

These Three Poon-kateers and their all-encompassing interview embodies the true spirit of the poon-tisential pooner. You can't beat it. You won't find any Yankee Boston College pooners wearing cocktail dresses and breaking down Jeff Jagodzinski's offensive scheme while discussing how they are going to get their bourbon into the game. You just won't.

There's no more to say here. Enjoy the incredible poon-nomenon that is SEC POON.

And another...

Monday, September 10, 2007

It's No Secret

Maybe you've wondered why Gamecock fans fill Williams-Brice stadium year in & year out regardless of wins & losses . . . here is your answer

Please Help!

ATTENTION - An Ambert Alert has been issued in the city of Tuscaloosa. This man has lost his daughter. . .

Nevermind. We found her.

High Beams

Will the driver of the White Auburn Poon please return to the stadium parking lot. You left your brights on.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Poon Mail

Dear SEC Poon,

Where are the Kentucky girls? Do you think Ashley Judd is the only Poon-worthy Wildcat?

Extremely Disappointed,

The Thong Sisters

SECP repsonse: Our deepest apologizes for the exclusion of Bluegrass Poon. Thanks for the submission & you stay classy.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

The Garden of Poon

After several spirited discussions about the best Poon Watching locations one thing is apparent . . . any recruit who walks through The Grove & doesn’t consider committing to Ole Miss for those priceless foot steps full of sweet asses in tiny, low-cut dresses is clearly gay.

Friday, September 7, 2007

State of the Poon-ion Address

SECP is brought to you by folks born & raised on SEC football. We live in the South. We attended, for many years, SEC institutions. We majored in Poon. We are SEC season ticket holders. We are the first ones in the SEC stadium parking lots & the last ones to leave. SECP regularly tailgates in The Grove, SC State Fairgrounds, UGa's North Campus (before President Adams ruined it), along the banks of the Tenneessee River, The Swamp, Death Valley & 2nd Ave in Nashville which is the only place not being near the stadium is acceptable because, well it's Vandy. SECP has personally experienced gameday on every SEC campus, including the Cocktail Party in J'ville, the Iron Bowl in B'ham & that glorified high school stadium in Little Rock.

If you are one of us then it's likely somewhere along the way our paths have crossed outside a stadium, we've exchanged pleasantries with each other, toasted cocktails, pissed in the same urinal & possibly thrown empty mini bottles at you (sorry about that, blame the Kicker). But above all else, together we've experiened the marvel of SEC Poon roaming free in its natural element. We are Brothers in Pi Omega Omega Nu.

SECP is not some Johnny Comelately sitting in his dormroom at Community College for Fridge Repair U, hoarding soft core porn & buying up web addresses to copy what is obvious to anyone who calls themself an SEC fan - SEC Poon cannot be duplicated. Carry on Poon Hunters.

Supreme Court O-poon-ion

The following is an open letter to the Georgia Supreme Court:

Dear Your Honors,

We at SECP believe the citizens of Georgia are suffering from a great injustice. The city of Athens has much to offer - eclectic arts, trendy music, succulent cuisine - all of which is amply promoted. Meanwhile the city’s greatest assets have not received their proper recognition, which is why SECP proposes the city of Athens be re-named to a more fitting title. Please consider our submissions: Chestyville, Cleavagetown, Knockers Corners, Isle of St. Nipples, Great Rack City, Tittie Springs, or New Hootersboro. Your prompt attention to this matter is appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Poonfully Yours,

Kudos to Packman at Southern Fried Football for his photographic homage to Busty Dawg Poons.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Woo Pig Poonie!!!

It's pep rally time in the Ozarks and there's nothing better than a pack of coordinated Wild Poons. They've combined their powers by coming up with a gimmick that's sure to bring home the trophy for rowdiest sorority: half shirts, bandanas, and school color body paint. And just wait til you see the banner they made for the front of their sorority house . . . these Hog Poons are crazy!!! Shhhh, don't tell Mom & Dad.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

The Original Poon

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery . . . unless of course it's in a desperate attempt to promote some bottom shelf, knock-off, General Dollar store brand that has no place being compared to the elite. And with that said we wish ACCpoon all the luck in the world . . .

Poon Tragedy

SECP is sadden to report that shorty after this pic was taken, Tiny Tiger Poon was eaten by the grizzly bear seen next to her. This tragedy serves as a serious reminder - Please do not feed wild animals at your tailgate.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Winner, winner, chicken dinner???

Here's the deal...we at SECP really thought our quest to find the perfect Pooner might take awhile. 2, 3, 10, 20 years - you know, a pretty involved process. Well, since SECP's release to the entire galaxy just 8 short days ago, this gem found its way to our mailbox (take your eyeballs back to the image just to your left that you stared at for the past 5 minutes before reading this crap).

Is it over? Do we need to go ahead and just shut 'er down? Have we found the Perfect Pooner? Let's examine: we have big the designer sunglass - check, the long bleach blonde hair - check, earrings each weighing more than a slab crappie - check, the plunging neckline - check, tic-tac smuggling through the team colored dress - check, 8" orange guava bolster - check, team pom-pon - check, and finally the look of "ho-hum" on the pooner's face as Brandon Cox hangs another 100 on the Tide - check plus.

This is a democracy so we will put it in the hands of our already faithful SECP followers...weigh in on the comments section if you think we need our heads examined - it's entirely possible whether it's related to this posting or not.

Have YOU have found the perfect pooner? Send it to us:

Monday, September 3, 2007

Lost and Found

This personalized Gator thong turned up after this weekend's game vs Western Kentucky. Apparently they were seperated from underneath Cathy's frayed denim mini-skirt in her attempt to get Timmy Tebow's attention on the sideline. Sweet Tim was nice enough to take them home, wash, fold & then deposit them in SECP's lost & found bin. We told Timmy he could've returned this Pooner-wear to it's rightful owner himself . . . just follow the smell of bacardi & rotten tuna.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Poon Hunting Season Is Officially Open!

Get off your ass and get to poon hunting!!! And don't be stingy with the pics you have come Monday morning...