Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The Ten Poon-Mandents

What does it take to be considered Poon-worthy? Let these laws be your guide:

  1. Cleavage . . . this is self-explanatory and comes in very handy when trying to sneak in a pint of Beam. No officer would dare dip into Millie Mae's cleavage on suspicion of booze sneaking. May also be substituted by a tight ass.

  2. She must be wearing her school colors (Vandy excluded) & openly cheer for her team.

  3. She looks as good in the 4th Qtr as she did in the parking lot 3 hrs before the game.

  4. If she walks by & you don’t notice her, she’s not Poon-worthy.

  5. Proper attire includes; dress, tank top, tube top, low-cut shirt, and/or $250 jeans.

  6. Drink in hand. Extra points for a throwback stadium cup that has more than half of the logo worn off from previous poon-sca-pades.

  7. Designer sunglasses are a must. The bigger the better.

  8. Shoes are critical. If you look at the shoes and say, "How in the hell can she stand in those for 5 minutes let alone walk around this campus for 12 hours today?", you've got a winner!

  9. It takes time, but you need study the speech patterns of the pooner. Expletives combined with players/coaches/booster's names are telltale signs of strong pooner candidate (i.e. "Brodie, get up you pussy - you ain't hurt!" or "I don't give a fuck if Toefield cain't spell - he sure can tote the mail!").

  10. The game day purse. Barely big enough for lipstick, game tickets and daddy's credit card.
    And it always has a 3 inch strap so its tucked up into that sweaty prickly pit. Its the less sluty cousin of the "going out purse". You can actually take this one out in daylight hours.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

YUMMMMMMMMMY Keep up the good work!! Baby Arm.

gerry dorsey said...

well said...except those big sunglasses...i hate those fucking things.